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I'm Kyri. I'm a free spirited person.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Good mom? Bad mom?

This is my opinion.....

I understand that some women who have children need to work to provide for their family. I grew up with a single mom. She came to America from the Philippines with nothing but a 5 year old and a 7 year old. She NEVER once was on welfare, she took care of my sister and I, she gave us everything we needed and gave us a good life. She did everything on her own, with no help and that's how I see it. For you to judge me and accuse me for being on welfare is so wrong on your part. And you say I'M racist? You're simply accusing me for getting help from the state why? Because I have a fiancĂ©e who actually cares about me and doesn't want me to work? OR is it because I'm not white. Talk about racist. For your information I have NEVER been on welfare so shove that accusation up your ass.

So it seems like these days you are a bad mom if you're with your child 24/7? Really? Is this what America has become? Obviously these young mothers have not read parenting books. I understand that a book can't teach you how to love your child you can't learn that from a book it's from your heart but studies show that a child should be held as much as possible, should be with his/her parents as much as possible to become a successful independent individual when they are older. Read why...( and no I did not make these up I learned all this from educating myself, reading books, asking my daughters Pediatrician, etc..)

One of the myths about separation anxiety is that it's caused by mothers who are too attached to their babies. This is a carryover from the 1920s-era spoiling theory, which maintained that holding a baby a lot, feeding on cue and responding to her cries would create a clingy, dependent child. But researchers have come to believe that attachment fosters independence, not dependence. Babies who are the most connected early on have such strong trust in their parents that calm reassurance from mom and dad gives them the comfort to try new things or explore unfamiliar territory, knowing that help will be there if they need it.

Attachment parenting involves creating a strong bond between mother/father and the child. It is also natural mothering because it involves doing what comes natural to a mother when social and culturial influences are eliminated. Benefits can include a less fussy and happier baby and more sensitive parents. The following are common ways to practice attachment parenting:
  • Having a natural, peaceful childbirth and bonding with the baby through rooming-in at the hospital
  • Breastfeeding the baby on demand as opposed to a schedule
  • Answering baby's cries quickly (not letting baby "cry it out")
  • Wearing the baby as much as possible using a sling or baby carrier
  • Having baby with you as much as possible (avoiding baby sitters if possible)
  • Having baby sleep in your bedroom (either in your bed or in a crib next to your bed) so you can respond quickly to baby and he can adjust to your sleep cycle.
  • Avoiding using material items sooth baby such as swings, strollers, etc. By offering yourself to comfort baby, baby learns to form strong human attachments.

Characteristics of Secure Attachment
  • Securely attached children exhibit distress when separated from parents and are happy when their parent returns. Remember, these children feel secure and able to depend on their parents. When the adult leaves, the child may be upset but he or she feels assured that the parent  will return.
  • When frightened, securely attached children will seek comfort from the parent. These children know their parent  will provide comfort and reassurance, so they are comfortable seeking them out in times of need.

Characteristics of Ambivalent Attachment
  • Ambivalently attached children usually become very distressed when a parent leaves. This attachment style is considered relatively uncommon, affecting an estimated 7-15% of U.S. children. Research suggests that ambivalent attachment is a result of poor maternal availability. These children cannot depend on their mother (or caregiver) to be there when the child is in need.

Those are the facts not my thoughts. Studies show that a child who is always with their parents is more likely to be successful and independent once they are older than one who has parents that leave them with baby sitter all the time, and parents who go out all the time. The less time you spend with your child the more they WILL have trust issues. I'm not saying that I'm the world best mom because I'm not there are times where I don't feel confident about how I'm raising my daughter my biggest fear is failing as a parent. I have come to realize that people who think they know everything and that everything they do and say and how they live their life is perfect are the ones who are truly insecure with themselves and unsure about their life. This is kind of silly but if I could keep Micah in a bubble like that movie Bubble Boy I would. I never want anyone to hurt her, I trust only a few people with her and that's family, I'm constantly washing her clothes and if she gets burp up on her shirt I'll change her, I check her diaper every 30 minutes, for the short amount of time that I'm not with her I'm thinking about her how she is doing if she's ok and I just want to do everything I possibly can to protect her from this crazy messed up world. Say I found a nanny, she seems nice she seems like a really good person, I trust her with Micah her boyfriend comes over and my daughter ends up getting hurt or raped I would NEVER EVER forgive myself and I would end up in jail because I would take the law into my own hands . I'm not saying that I see everyone as an abuser, a rapist or a bad person but in order for your child to be safe you can't trust people easily. People are different behind closed doors. Ever watch the news? People who go to church every sunday, people who do volunteer work and people who you think are the most generous turn out to be the ones who rape. 75% of rape victims are raped by people they know. So if you can't even trust people you know how can you trust some nanny you found over the internet?I went to school with a kid who after highschool raped his baby sister. I was friends with him he seemed normal to me. It makes me sick to my stomache to know I actually took my time to be friends with someone who turned out to be so sick in the head.

All I'm saying is if me spending every waking moment with my daughter makes me a bad mom then be it. I'm a horrible mom. I don't care. I'm going to do my best to make sure Micah feels loved, to be there for her as much as I possibly can, to make sure she is safe every second of the day and to make sure that she turns out to be an amazing person when she is older. That is my biggest goal in life is to make sure she has the life she deserves and she deserves nothing but the best and if that means I have to eventually go back to work I'm definantly not going to look for nanny's over the internet I would leave her with someone who I trust with everything I have.....like my mom or sister and that's it.

That is my thought of the day, agree or disagree I really don't care I just wish some people would watch what they say and to choose their words wisely. If you're life is perfect then you can judge me but we live in an imperfect world and NOBODY is perfect.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

I found all I've waited for.

Lying here with you 
Listening to the rain 
Smiling just to see the smile upon your face 
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive 
These are the moments I'll remember all my life 
I found all I've waited for 
And I could not ask for more 
Looking in your eyes 
Seeing all I need 
Everything you are is everything to me 
These are the moments 
I know heaven must exist 
These are the moments I know all I need is this 
I have all I've waited for 
And I could not ask for more 

I could not ask for more than this time together 
I could not ask for more than this time with you 
Every prayer has been answered 
Every dream I have's come true 
And right here in this moment is right where I'm meant to be 
Here with you here with me 

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

When one door closes, another opens.

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one, which has been opened for us.”
- Helen Keller -

I'm a firm believe of this quote.We are so busy regretting the past, standing there thinking about what we could have done different, why this happened why that happened, who was at fault, and trying to blame others that we don't notice the doors that are open right in front of our face.The brand new opportunities  that lie right in front of us and we often ignore them because we're much too busy still staring at that one closed door. People are attached to what happened in the past and that's only natural in the human race.

I myself am trying to let go of the past. It's definantly a hard thing. I'm trying to take all the negative out to have more room for the positive. I have a daughter who's going to need someone to look up to and of course I want that person to be me. I want her to have a positive role model and to tell you the truth if I didn't have her I don't think I'd have the strength to look past the people who have hurt me, who are hurting me and who will hurt me. From now on I just want to look past the negative things in my past; forgive and forget. Start over. Work hard and find that one open door that's going to lead me to be successful not only in work but as a mother, a daughter, a sister, a wife, and everything else that I am.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Brady Grace.

Last night I got a call from my younger sister telling me she was at the hospital .My 22 month old niece had another seizure. This is her second one the last 4 months. Her first one was in June. It was the scariest thing that I've ever seen. My sister had called me when she was in the ambulance the first time so I rushed to the hospital and I got there the same time her ambulanced had arrived. I walked into the emergency room and I saw my niece having a seizure. She was just so tiny and helpless. I coulnd't help but scream and cry so hard. If I could have traded her places I would have in less than a heartbeat . I can't even imagine how my sister felt, she is so strong. So last night she had her second one and every time I closed my eyes that image of her on the operating table having a seizure would just pop up in my head and I just couldn't handle it so I slept an hour last night. Who ever is reading this please keep her in your prayers. I hope something like this never happens again because not only is her body going through so much but her mommy's heart breaks every time. You know the saying " When a child is sick it hits the parents harder"? It's definantly true. Micah had an ear infection a few weeks ago and I kept blaming myself even though it obviously wasn't my fauly and it's completely normal for babies to get ear infections. My heart just couldn't handle her crying in pain. It definantly hit me hard. Like I said my sister is a strong little lady, stay strong Kate and I'm always one step behind you if you need a shoulder to cry on.

Everyone please keep my beautiful niece in your prayers and pray that it's nothing more than a febrile seizure.
Good night world.

Keep smiling baby love, you're a strong little girl.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Blogger Addiction?

I think I have become addicted to blogging. Micah finally fell asleep for her daily nap. 12 loads of laundry done and 3 more to go. Everything is clean and so I have a few minutes to spare on blogging.

I love you so much but I don't show it enough and I don't tell you enough. I constantly have a thousand different thoughts running through my mind all day everyday. Does Micah need diapers? Is she almost out? What about wipes? How much laundry is there to do?Do we have enough detergent ? What time is Elijah's football game this week? When should I start laundry? When did I eat last? When did I shower last? Did I brush my teeth today? Are all the garbages out? Did I call Grandma today to check up on her? When did I call her last? Crap have I even taken the time to call my brother all week just so that he doesn't feel like I forgot about him? My mom called 5 hours ago did I call her back?When did Micah last take a bath? Did I give her daily nasal drops? What time did she eat last again? ......it never ends. I feel like I'm constantly trying to please everyone around me that I don't have my special time with you. I always tell myself that you understand but you deserve my attention. I'm so caught up in trying to have everything perfect that I get so frustrated and the attention that you do receive from me is a negative one. Finally when I'm laying down next to you at night, when my thoughts have slowed down a bit you're already sleeping. I want you to know that I'm still adjusting to our new life and I do think about you and I do realize that I push you away and I don't mean to. I do realize that sometimes we hardly say a word to each other in a day and I'm trying to change that. I need to stop this whole "Super mom" thing because sometimes I just want to lay down and breathe but I can't. I love you and I hope you understand and you're amazing.

Why do people always try to give me parenting advice? Do this do that. My daughter is well taken care of thank you very much. I've read more books than you can imagine my 9 months of pregnancy. I've researched pretty much everything you need to know about being a parent I mean I' sure I don't know EVERYTHING but I'll learn throughout the years. I don't care how you raised your child, I'm going to raise my daughter the way I want to .I'm not going to base my decision on you and how you discipline your children. I don't care if you don't give your child a pacifier obviously you didn't do YOUR research because a child who uses a pacifier has less chances of having orthodontic problems in the future oppose to one who doesn't use a pacifier. Not only that but it also lessens the risk of SIDS and using a pacifier stimulates the flow of saliva which is a natural intestinal lubricant , therefore one who uses it is less likely to have stomach aches. So you can shut your mouth. My daughter is advanced for her age, her pediatrician says she acts two months older than she is. She's reached milestones that are way past her age, and not only do I hear it from her but I also hear it from others. Obviously I'm doing very well with my child.  So here is an advice for you......keep your opinions to yourself unless someone asks for it because no two babies are the same.

On a happier note, it's almost the Holidays and I am very very ecstatic. It's Micah's first Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year and it's just exciting.I can't wait to decorate the Christmas tree and be with family. I can't wait for the snow, I can't wait for snowboarding .I can't wait to buy presents and wrap them. I can't wait to send out Christmas cards. I just can't wait.

Love Freely

I got bored and played with my fiancĂ©'s camera when I was pregnant full term. I had to entertain myself somehow.I found this while I was browsing through my pictures on my computer. He loves this though. Just thought I'd share it. Nothing special but I think it''s cute.