Good mom? Bad mom?

This is my opinion.....

I understand that some women who have children need to work to provide for their family. I grew up with a single mom. She came to America from the Philippines with nothing but a 5 year old and a 7 year old. She NEVER once was on welfare, she took care of my sister and I, she gave us everything we needed and gave us a good life. She did everything on her own, with no help and that's how I see it. For you to judge me and accuse me for being on welfare is so wrong on your part. And you say I'M racist? You're simply accusing me for getting help from the state why? Because I have a fiancée who actually cares about me and doesn't want me to work? OR is it because I'm not white. Talk about racist. For your information I have NEVER been on welfare so shove that accusation up your ass.

So it seems like these days you are a bad mom if you're with your child 24/7? Really? Is this what America has become? Obviously these young mothers have not read parenting books. I understand that a book can't teach you how to love your child you can't learn that from a book it's from your heart but studies show that a child should be held as much as possible, should be with his/her parents as much as possible to become a successful independent individual when they are older. Read why...( and no I did not make these up I learned all this from educating myself, reading books, asking my daughters Pediatrician, etc..)

One of the myths about separation anxiety is that it's caused by mothers who are too attached to their babies. This is a carryover from the 1920s-era spoiling theory, which maintained that holding a baby a lot, feeding on cue and responding to her cries would create a clingy, dependent child. But researchers have come to believe that attachment fosters independence, not dependence. Babies who are the most connected early on have such strong trust in their parents that calm reassurance from mom and dad gives them the comfort to try new things or explore unfamiliar territory, knowing that help will be there if they need it.

Attachment parenting involves creating a strong bond between mother/father and the child. It is also natural mothering because it involves doing what comes natural to a mother when social and culturial influences are eliminated. Benefits can include a less fussy and happier baby and more sensitive parents. The following are common ways to practice attachment parenting:

• Having a natural, peaceful childbirth and bonding with the baby through rooming-in at the hospital
• Breastfeeding the baby on demand as opposed to a schedule
• Answering baby's cries quickly (not letting baby "cry it out")
• Wearing the baby as much as possible using a sling or baby carrier
• Having baby with you as much as possible (avoiding baby sitters if possible)
• Having baby sleep in your bedroom (either in your bed or in a crib next to your bed) so you can respond quickly to baby and he can adjust to your sleep cycle.
• Avoiding using material items sooth baby such as swings, strollers, etc. By offering yourself to comfort baby, baby learns to form strong human attachments.

Characteristics of Secure Attachment

• Securely attached children exhibit distress when separated from parents and are happy when their parent returns. Remember, these children feel secure and able to depend on their parents. When the adult leaves, the child may be upset but he or she feels assured that the parent  will return.
• When frightened, securely attached children will seek comfort from the parent. These children know their parent  will provide comfort and reassurance, so they are comfortable seeking them out in times of need.

Characteristics of Ambivalent Attachment

• Ambivalently attached children usually become very distressed when a parent leaves. This attachment style is considered relatively uncommon, affecting an estimated 7-15% of U.S. children. Research suggests that ambivalent attachment is a result of poor maternal availability. These children cannot depend on their mother (or caregiver) to be there when the child is in need.

Those are the facts not my thoughts. Studies show that a child who is always with their parents is more likely to be successful and independent once they are older than one who has parents that leave them with baby sitter all the time, and parents who go out all the time. The less time you spend with your child the more they WILL have trust issues. I'm not saying that I'm the world best mom because I'm not there are times where I don't feel confident about how I'm raising my daughter my biggest fear is failing as a parent. I have come to realize that people who think they know everything and that everything they do and say and how they live their life is perfect are the ones who are truly insecure with themselves and unsure about their life. This is kind of silly but if I could keep Micah in a bubble like that movie Bubble Boy I would. I never want anyone to hurt her, I trust only a few people with her and that's family, I'm constantly washing her clothes and if she gets burp up on her shirt I'll change her, I check her diaper every 30 minutes, for the short amount of time that I'm not with her I'm thinking about her how she is doing if she's ok and I just want to do everything I possibly can to protect her from this crazy messed up world. Say I found a nanny, she seems nice she seems like a really good person, I trust her with Micah her boyfriend comes over and my daughter ends up getting hurt or raped I would NEVER EVER forgive myself and I would end up in jail because I would take the law into my own hands . I'm not saying that I see everyone as an abuser, a rapist or a bad person but in order for your child to be safe you can't trust people easily. People are different behind closed doors. Ever watch the news? People who go to church every sunday, people who do volunteer work and people who you think are the most generous turn out to be the ones who rape. 75% of rape victims are raped by people they know. So if you can't even trust people you know how can you trust some nanny you found over the internet?I went to school with a kid who after highschool raped his baby sister. I was friends with him he seemed normal to me. It makes me sick to my stomache to know I actually took my time to be friends with someone who turned out to be so sick in the head.

All I'm saying is if me spending every waking moment with my daughter makes me a bad mom then be it. I'm a horrible mom. I don't care. I'm going to do my best to make sure Micah feels loved, to be there for her as much as I possibly can, to make sure she is safe every second of the day and to make sure that she turns out to be an amazing person when she is older. That is my biggest goal in life is to make sure she has the life she deserves and she deserves nothing but the best and if that means I have to eventually go back to work I'm definantly not going to look for nanny's over the internet I would leave her with someone who I trust with everything I have.....like my mom or sister and that's it.

That is my thought of the day, agree or disagree I really don't care I just wish some people would watch what they say and to choose their words wisely. If you're life is perfect then you can judge me but we live in an imperfect world and NOBODY is perfect.